As I was talking to my friend this afternoon our lives and their trajectories and traverses became a bit too painful to plot and follow. He described having a rendezvous with a gorgeous man this morning... while I was buying resume paper and envelopes at Staples. As he touched this man, I was buying grapes at Sam's Club. And tonight? As he connects with beauty and sexuality and desire, I'll be working on said resumes and envelopes.
I explained my fear at not being able to get another job. "I'm a bit fearful about being wanted," or something of the sort left my lips. And my cells got a bit heavier, because I realized that that wanting pertains to every area of my life. I have noone to want me in a beauteous, sexual, or desirous way, let alone in a very practical, gainful employment kind of way.
I simply want to be wanted with the fierceness of my own wants.
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That's it, huh? That's all of it, friend.
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